Toxic Families and Relatives and the New Energy Communities

Jennifer Hoffman – For 15 years I have been talking about how we are creating space for our energetic family and we have been seeing examples of that happening. Whether it has fully happened for you yet, is just a matter of time. Like a slowly approaching tide, the truth that we have been trying our best to avoid is here.

For decades and lifetimes we have been working hard to bring our karma group to the light. These are the people you can ‘family’ in this lifetime. And for decades and lifetimes they have resisted our efforts, often in devastating ways. But we are at an energetic crossroads and it is time to make a decision that will change our lives from this moment forward.

The karma ties that bind us to the people we call our family, the biological ties that we assume to also imply emotional commitment, are unraveling and with it, the dawning realization that we can no longer bring light to people who prefer to be in the dark.

The illusion of family that we have held for so long through our sole efforts is crumbling beneath the weight of the darkness we thought we had to endure to fulfill this mission. In its place we will form energetic families, our 5D communities, people who are aligned with us energetically, who truly ‘love, honor, and respect’ us. People who can appreciate us and who value who we are, our light, and our efforts.

On an emotional level this can be difficult. On an energetic level, though, it is something whose time has come. If you have been frustrated, saddened, and even traumatized by people who do not value you, who dismiss, betray, abandon, and reject you, a change is coming. It means that you will have to abandon some dreams and goals while simultaneously welcoming others. It is not a time to grieve – you have done your best to achieve the impossible. Instead, celebrate your release from the commitments that have bound you to lifetimes of sacrifice while enjoying the change that will come from having relationships that are easy, fun, fulfilling, and joyful.

This is happening to everyone and it has happened to me too. This is my story.

I went no contact with my family this year — and it was the best decision I’ve ever made.

This was not the first time we had problems – but this time I was done.

We have had breaks in contact before, when they did not speak to me for months or years because they were angry at something I did or said.

This usually happened when I stood up for myself, refused to accept their emotional and verbal abuse, betrayals, and rejection, or when I had some successful life event and I had the audacity to actually be proud of myself.

Over the years this pattern of behavior has repeated itself and every time we somehow returned to a fragile connection that existed as long as I did not ask for an apology, an explanation for their behavior – it was OK for them to be successful and happy, but not me – and did not mention the reason for the conflict again.

This time was different. In an event that escalated to involve lawyers, law enforcement, and the FBI, I finally acknowledged the truth. These people did not like me, were not my friends, were not ‘family’ in the way I defined it and I needed to cut ties, so I did.

To be blunt, my family is toxic and I needed to stop trying to change that dynamic before they totally destroyed me.

The legal boundaries are clear – no contact of any kind and that includes talking about me to others, trolling my social media accounts, and making any attempts to disparage me that interfered in my public reputation and businesses.

I do not miss them. For the first time I do not have to field passive aggressive comments from my family, to be hopeful when they reach out to me for advice or support, only to be disappointed once again.

‘But they’re family’ you might say, ‘what about family ties?’ I am convinced, with my decades of experience with toxic family abuse, that the idea of family love and connection is a myth. I am sure that there are some great families out there but mine is not one of them.

And in a burst of clarity a few weeks ago, I realized what the problem was.

We try to create ‘family’ with people who are our relatives. And that is not the same thing. Toxic families exist, and mine is one of them. Yours may be too.

The concept of family begins with the context of tribal connections. These are people who are joined together by common interests, shared objectives, and genuine affection for each other. My family is more like something out of the revenge stories I have been listening to on YouTube. Selfish, self-centered, and their overriding interest is to make sure I do not succeed.

Family, in the truest sense of the word, cannot be created with people who do not share your goals, interests, who have no desire to see you being successful and happy, and who see you as competition, a rival, someone to be put down instead of lifted up.

Family and relatives are not the same thing.

“Family” is built on love, trust, and mutual respect. Relatives are simply people you’re related to by blood — and sometimes, that’s where the connection ends.

When we try to create family out of relatives who don’t share our values or care about our success, we end up exhausting ourselves trying to build something they will never reciprocate.

When we try to create family from relatives we have an illusion of family that we are trying to create and we fill in that gap with our own time, energy, and effort. The result is a very one-sided effort that creates a lot of heartbreak, unmet expectations, and disappointment for you – and a lot of unearned benefit for them.

They will happily take whatever you have to give without joining you in your vision of family. They will gladly use your support and generosity to fuel their ambitions, while leaving you behind if you have the audacity to ask for something in return.

I don’t feel bad or guilty, just a little sad that the people who are ‘supposed to love me’ do not and that I am going to have to create my own family with people I am not related to.

And I have done that. I have wonderful friends and people who genuinely support and value me. They are kind and considerate, celebrate my successes, and are there when I need advice. They are everything my relatives who are supposed to be my family are not and have never been.

My moment of emotional empowerment came with a blast of reality and the revelation of a truth that I have been trying to avoid – I cannot create a family unit from people who just don’t like me, who are jealous, selfish, self-interested, and who do not value me.

Do you relate here? I am sure you do because this is something so many people struggle with. We think that people we are related to should be ‘family’ and act accordingly. If they don’t we think that something is wrong with us, that we are doing something wrong. So we push harder, do more, expand the vision, to be more generous and kind, only to be betrayed, rejected, and abandoned emotionally and physically.

I see this pattern all the time in my Radical Emotional Empowerment students — the belief that “if I just try harder, they’ll change.” But the truth is, you can’t heal where you’re still being hurt.

Healing begins when you stop trying to get love from people who can’t, won’t, or don’t give I to you. It’s not your personal failure – it’s part of their emotional and energetic makeup.

For my students it has been the revelation that has freed them from decades of emotional abuse and the belief that they are unlucky and that the situation can be fixed and you can have the family you want from your relatives. And worse, they feel guilty about it, further eroding their self-worth, confidence, and belief in their own value.

Let me be the first to tell you that trying harder and doing more with toxic family and toxic people is not a good plan and it won’t work. It hasn’t worked up until now and things won’t change unless you do. Your first step is to stop expecting different behavior, stop thinking that there is something wrong with you, and most importantly, stop making assumptions about family and how these people should behave.

Accept the truth – your relatives cannot become family if they don’t like you, don’t share that vision, and don’t care about you and your family vision.

Instead, empower yourself to be emotionally free and start building your energetic family with people who share your energy, values, and desire for connection

As far as my family is concerned, they are living their lives as they always have, without me. Will they change? I doubt it. Will they try to approach me again? Legally they can’t and that’s a good thing.

Meanwhile, I am feeling more peaceful, free, and emotionally unbound as I celebrate something I wish had happened decades ago, the release from toxic family ties and expectations that have limited my joy, freedom, and peace of mind and heart.

If any part of this story feels familiar to you, please know you’re not alone.

The moment you stop trying to earn love from people who can’t give it is the moment your healing begins.

It’s what I teach — and what I live — through my Radical Emotional Empowerment Framework, a gentle but powerful process for ending the cycle of guilt, rejection, and emotional exhaustion.

You deserve peace, and it starts with emotional truth- you need to protect your emotional well-being and you deserve better – but you can’t expect it from people who do not value you. So stop trying.

If you’re ready to take your next step, you can learn more at this link.

And even if you’re not, may this reminder stay with you: you’re allowed to protect your peace — even from family, sometimes especially from family.

Copyright (c) 2003-2025 by Jennifer Hoffman. All rights reserved.

SF Source Enlightening Life Oct 2025