Disappointed or Inconvenienced – Compassion Pity and Energetic Empowerment
Jennifer Hoffman – When talking to clients who are preparing to make big life changes, especially those who are kind hearted, gentle, forgiving, and compassionate empaths (which includes many of you), they will inevitably say that they don’t want to disappoint someone in their life, who may not like or appreciate the changes they are considering.
It can be disappointing to someone who is very connected to us and who counts on us and our presence in their lives to have that suddenly disappear when we are unavailable to meet or serve their needs. But are they really disappointed, in the real sense of the word, or just inconvenienced because now what they depended on you for has to be done by someone else, or they have to do it themselves?
Disappointment or inconvenience — there is a huge difference that you should know so you make choices that serve you and your intention from an empowered, guilt-free and shame free perspective with your energy resources intact and standing on the firm platform of your energy boundaries.
What is the difference between disappointment and inconvenience? For example, if I invited you to attend an event with me, was looking forward to spending time with you, thought that you would enjoy yourself, and knew that we would have a great time together., and you couldn’t go, I would be disappointed because I really wanted to spend time with you.
But, if I had an invitation to an event, needed someone to go with, asked you because I thought you would be available and then you cancelled, I would be inconvenienced (but say that I was disappointed) because now I need to find someone else to go with me or go by myself.
The difference between the two has to do with connection, heart, and service. If the connection is truly heart felt, generous, energetically balanced, and compassionate, then there is disappointment when one person isn’t available. But when you look at connections and use words like “I have to” or “I should” or you can say ‘they will be disappointed’ and you know it’s because of what you do for them, not who you are in the relationship, then the lack of your presence and availability becomes an inconvenience that disappoints them, but it’s not a disappointment from an energetically balanced, heart-felt, generous perspective.
To be rather blunt, you are inconveniencing them because you’re no longer dependable or available and now they have to find someone else. It’s easy to take on healing roles in our relationships, and fall into our Martyred HealerTM roles before we’re aware that we have assumed many obligations and responsibilities where others are concerned.
We may call it giving our power away but with our healing obligations we are grateful for the opportunity to be of service to others. But we need to ensure that we do so from compassion, and not pity, that we’re serving our own needs first and being self-ish, and we are happy, before we base our choices on whether or not someone is going to be disappointed by them, because that may not be the right word to use for their reaction.
How do you know whether someone is disappointed or inconvenienced by your choices? Here are some key questions to ask yourself as you are making your choices:
1. Are you afraid to tell them about your choice because you know it’s going to result in a big drama or argument?
2. Are you basing your choices on what you know someone expects you to do or to be for them?
3. Are you wondering how they will manage without you or do you feel responsible for some aspect of their life or have some kind of obligation towards them?
4. Do you truly enjoy the time you spend together and are you really, truly happy in this relationship, or is it a lot of work that never seems to end, for you?
5. Do you feel that you give more to that person than you receive, that you do more for them than they do for you, or that there is a lack of balance, energetically and emotionally, and you are at the unbalanced end?
If you are making a transformational choice and you know they probably won’t be happy for you, then your choice results in an inconvenience that may look like a disappointment to you, but it isn’t.
The real decision point for us, though, is whether we’re happy in any situation. If a situation isn’t making you happy, if it drains your energy, if you feel sad, resentful, or angry, then the situation is unbalanced and your choice may bring you back into balance. At the same time, it may shift your contribution or participation in someone else’s life which happens with every energetic redistribution.
Before engaging in pity exchanges with someone, remember that everyone is powerful in their lives and everyone has the same source of power. We use our power in different ways and allow ourselves to have a range of different amounts, but we all have exactly the same access to power because we all have the same source.
And no one can ‘take’ our power away from us without our consent, whether we give it consciously or unconsciously. So as you are considering your latest transformations and reviewing your choices and who is impacted by them, ask yourself whether you will be a source of disappointment or an inconvenience to the people in your life.
And either way, make the choice that meets your needs, makes you happy, is the most fulfilling and self-ish use of your energy, and is aligned with your most powerful, joyful, expansive intention for your life.
To avoid situations where we act from expectation and assumption, rather than aligned intention, deliberate choice, and empowerment, we can stop trying to be an energetic resource for those who do not value us or our energy. I call these people ‘energy borrowers’, which sounds better than ‘energy vampires’. They look and act innocent and benign, but they are really people who want others to do for them, rather than doing for themselves.
If you say ‘no’ or if you are not available, they will appear to be disappointed but they are really inconvenienced because now they have to find someone else or take care of the situation by themselves. I say that ‘energy boundaries are our keys to freedom’ because it is by having strong energy boundaries that we can be discerning and self-aware, considering our needs before we jump in to help someone else with their problems and issues.
You know what happens then, you have probably experienced it. Suddenly you are up to your eyeballs in someone else’s problems, it’s taking up all of your energy resources, and you don’t know how to stop, exit, or get back on your own path. The more you try to help someone, the more they can drag you into their dramas until you are fully immersed in the chaos of their lives.
Now that is not to say that we should not help others when there is a genuine need. We have to be more discerning and not act on assumption and expectations, project our own past issues with disappointment and not getting our needs met, trying to vindicate our experience by serving someone else’s needs. It’s complicated.
The real conflict for us is the need to fix someone else’s suffering when we assume that they are suffering and may not be, they are just inconvenienced by our refusal to grab every opportunity to help them. What’s the solution?
Energy boundaries, your keys to energetic and emotional freedom so you stay grounded, centered, and balanced, are aligned with your own path and intention, and you help others when you know it’s the right thing to do, you have the time and energetic resources, and you feel empowered by what you are doing because you’re using your energy boundaries to manage your emotional and energy resources and are not being taken advantage of.
So next time you assume someone is disappointed because you just said ‘no’ to an opportunity to help them once again, consider that they may be inconvenienced because now they have to ask someone else and you’re free to do things that serve you, fulfill your life, and create joy.
Copyright (c) 2003-2025 by Jennifer Hoffman. All rights reserved.
SF Source Enlightening Life Sep 2025