Rebecca Temsen – Negative people exist all around us, and sometimes it can be hard to escape them. There could be that one colleague who is always bringing you down with his/her unending in constructive criticism. Every time that person comes around, you know your day is about to take a wrong turn.
It happens at home as well. Getting away may not be a lasting or even a practical solution, especially when it’s someone you have to live with or a vital part of your work duties.
Encountering pessimistic people constantly can be draining psychologically, emotionally, and physically. You may spend time agonizing in such an individual’s company so much that it interferes with your productivity.
Negativity can be contagious if you let it and that will spill over into your work and personal life. A Michigan State University study showed that negative people could tire mentally and become defensive in their delivery of duties. Mistrust is also a product of negativity.
Believing in someone who sees the worst or is always pointing out your supposed flaws is difficult, which makes it challenging to work or live with them, and that’s putting it mildly. For this reason, having a few coping mechanisms can save your sanity or job.
1. Understand that they can be anywhere and anyone
Failing to identify negative people can be twice as destructive because they are influencing your thoughts, and by large, your actions without even your knowledge.
Firstly, know that you can encounter negative individuals anywhere from home settings to school and even in your favorite restaurant. Some of these you may only engage with for a little while, but that is all it takes to ruin a good day.
There is a distinction between a person offering criticism to build you up and someone who is inherently negative. It is why differentiating between constructive and destructive criticism is so crucial. Know where one ends, and the other begins.
You may have a negativity problem at home but may not want to admit it because it is a loved one. Also, some people fail to notice negativity if it’s coming from a person of authority. Your boss or mentor, for example, may be a negative person but you just take it as criticism.
Accepting a person is toxic to your well-being helps you find the best solution to handle their negativity.
“I never let anyone through my mind with their dirty feet” – Mahatma Ghandi
2. It is not your Fault
The best answer to negativity is accepting that it has nothing to do with you. Taking negative criticism to heart can weigh you down faster than a ton of bricks.
If every bad word uttered by a negative person made you question yourself, then you end up with a head full of doubts at the day’s end. An individual who spreads bad vibes all the time is not really your fault. What they say or do to make you feel bad is not upon you and remember that it is just one person’s take.
As long as you are aware that whatever you do is your very best, then the opinion of detractors should not be messing up with your attitude. Their opinion is theirs and should not have an impact on how your life unfolds.
“Don’t find fault. Find a remedy” – Henry Ford
Don’t tie yourself to the baggage of being responsible for a person’s thoughts. Giving people’s opinion more credit than they deserve will only steal your joy and peace, particularly when those insights don’t stop coming and never get better. Also, an individual may be dealing with other things in his/her life that have nothing to do with you. Perhaps the person is dealing with stress or frustrations in their life.
Positive Living blogger and author, Dani DiPirro’s advice is to avoid taking things personally because you can’t know what is going on in someone’s head.
3. Focus on You
After accepting you are blameless in these circumstances, it becomes easier to shift the focus on you. Being surrounded by negativity can make you forget yourself because too much time is spent worrying about the negative jibes and comments.
Lack of self-focus can cause you to neglect fundamental aspects of your life like relationships and job responsibilities. Self-esteem issues are also prevalent in individuals who live with constant negativity.
Someone who is always in a bad mood or spirits can suck the life out of you. Prioritizing yourself will help you build a stronger character and defense for dealing with such people.
Your happiness lies in how much you value yourself, so take that duty seriously.
Taking control of the things that count in your life is an excellent way of showing a negative person that you are capable of thriving even with their bad attitude towards you.
Pursue dreams, take risks, make milestones and that will give you power.
4. Check your Reaction
A natural response to a toxic person may be to hit back in a similar manner or worse. Getting enraged is understandable, and that may result in harsh reactions that may only aggravate the situation.
When you have knowledge of how a particularly negative person acts, it is facile to program a response that will not fuel them. Some of these individuals thrive on confrontations and wait just for the slightest provocation to get into one.
Such actions will only serve to hurt everyone involved.
Whether it’s at work, office, or your daily coffee stop, try to reverse the reaction to a negative situation. Answer agitation with calmness and brashness with reason. The point is to be the bigger person and help diffuse the situation. It doesn’t help anyone’s case when you both start yelling and saying hurtful things.
Before answering back to negativity, take a minute to get back your cool so that you are better suited to handle whatever happens. A few common tactics to calm yourself down may be useful in these cases.
Deep breathing works wonders when looking to clear your head. Before jumping at the throat of someone talking trash about you, breathe in and count slowly. It only takes a few seconds of clarity to alter what would otherwise be an instinctive reaction.
5. Don’t Pay Unnecessary Attention
Negative people can spread their malicious ideas and opinions because someone is listening and giving them the time of day.
SF Source Self Development Jan. 2017