I am dealing with a very close family member who has metastasized cancer. Needless to say, it is super food for the struggling self. Fear arises, then sadness and despair, and then more fear. Recently, I woke up in the middle of the night enmeshed in fear. But after just a few moments, I became curious and met the fear with my heart, “I see you sweetheart. I see how scared you are. I am here with you. You are not alone.” The fear dissolved like the morning fog does when it is touched by the sun. As I was relaxing back into sleep, the image of a buzzing fly circling around my head, driving me crazy like flies often do, suddenly appeared.
The image of the buzzing fly represents all of the states that we don’t like and wish would leave us alone – like the fear I had in the middle of the night, or judgment, loneliness, despair. Most of us resist this annoyance, swatting at it because we just want it to go away. We desperately try to get away from these states through busyness, compulsions, fixing, judging, analyzing … anything that absorbs our attention and takes us away from the feelings. But when we start becoming curious, all of a sudden the fly (i.e. whatever uncomfortable states we are experiencing in the moment) is not an irritant anymore.
Like a small child seeing a fly for the first time, this fly is something to be interested in. The first time I did this with an actual fly, I became intensely interested in the sound of the fly. It was like music. Then, when it landed on my hand, it felt like its feet were little kisses on my skin. I thought, “Wow, this is what I have been resisting my whole life?” Continue reading
In recent articles, I’ve been pointing out that the current “measles outbreak” is a CDC fabrication.
En route to the Land of the Free ~ Two years ago, Mr. Chan saw an opportunity. Thanks to tight government control of the Internet, launching a website in China is an intensely bureaucratic affair.