Mary O’Malley – We all have difficult days. It is part of being human. We all know suffering and joy, clarity and confusion, ease and pain. Life is a roller coaster ride and true peace doesn’t come from stopping the roller coaster – that’s death.
Nor does it come from wishing it was an easier roller coaster. Each of us is given the roller coaster we need, and true freedom comes when we learn how to show up for all of it, especially the difficult days.
One of the core ideas that keep us caught in resisting the ride is the belief we are all alone. Our struggling mind screams, “Nobody has ever felt this way, or nobody has it as bad as I do, or nobody is as bad as I am.” But these statements, even though very believable when we’re having a bad day, are not true! All human beings have terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days! All human beings are vulnerable to the full range of feelings that come from being given the gift of life. And there is no such thing as an altogether human being. We are all works in progress until our last breath.
We are so good at hiding our difficult days from others and even from ourselves that when the roller coaster does a dizzyingly fast loop de loop, we can buy into the belief that we are all alone – hook, line and sinker. But even the scariest parts of your roller coaster life are, at that moment, being experienced by many other people.
You, along with millions of others, may:
• have just received a difficult diagnosis
• be late for an appointment
• have been abused by a partner
• have had their heart torn wide open by the loss of a loved one
• have a throbbing, stabbing headache
• be experiencing rejection in a shaming way
• feel completely inadequate
• be overtaken by loneliness
• see themselves as a failure
• have skin that won’t stop itching
• be deeply disappointed
• have gotten lost in a fiery storm of anger
• be down with the flu
• decide they were the worst person on the face of this planet
• be just plain irritated
• be feeling helpless, hopeless despair that froze the blood in their veins.
The story lines may be a bit different, the conditions may be different, but the feelings are very similar. If you can open, even a little bit, to our common humanity, to the truth that every human being has experienced, to a greater or lesser degrees, what you are experiencing, it really helps you to know you are not alone, there is nothing wrong with you for feeling this way and this storm shall pass.
If we get caught in our reaction to our difficult days, we are more likely to feel isolated and alone. Then it’s easier to fall into the storyline of our inadequacy and ineptness, completely forgetting our shared human experience. But when you open to the truth you are not alone, that what you are experiencing is simply part of being human, your heart can begin to open. Because your heart has room for everything, this allows your pains to move through more quickly for compassion is one of the most powerful healers on our planet.
As far I can see, recognizing that we all hurt is an important step in opening into freedom. It isn’t freedom from anything in particular. It’s the freedom of allowing life to be exactly as it is so it can dance through you rather than you resisting and holding on, thus falling headfirst into the world of suffering.
May your heart be your guide.
SF Source Awakening Nov 2021