Jennifer Hoffman – Why do we settle for less when we want more?
Why do we turn our big visions for fulfillment, love, joy, and success into smaller versions of those things?
Do you remember the Reader’s digest books? They would take a novel and condense it into 100 or so pages. You got the gist of the story, without the good parts.
We settle for less while wanting more and while we don’t like it, or the results, there are reasons why we do it.
What does it mean to settle? It actually means to be satisfied but we put it in a much different context.
To settle usually means to accept less than what we originally wanted.
For example, in the law, a settlement is reached when the defendant agrees to a plaintiff’s terms to avoid a lengthy court battle or trial.
When we settle a home purchase we agree on a price and sign the documents.
When we settle in our lives, we accept a smaller or lesser solution rather than what we say we want. But is that true? We have to be able to envision an outcome before we can align with and integrate it. So when we say we ‘settle’ we’re actually allowing ourselves what we believe we can have, not what we may be able to get if we expand further into our field of potential.
In all of the cases of settling I have seen, this is true – the reason you’re not manifesting what you want is because you’re so afraid it won’t happen that you’re willing to settle for what you can get.’ While this is true it is more complicated than that although the common thread in settling is the consequence or result of bringing new energy and potentials into our life.
There are many reasons why we do this, I will list the top 3 based on more than 20 years of working with clients
1. There are consequences to the result
2. We sabotage our efforts to avoid something else, something we do not want to do
3. Cost will be too high, fear of success
In all of the cases of settling I have seen, this is true – we accept less than what we say we the reason you’re not manifesting what you want is because you’re so afraid it won’t happen that you’re willing to settle for what you can get.’
Have you ever settled for what you thought you could get, instead of being willing to let something unfold fully to express a new potential for your life?
How do you avoid the temptation to settle for less than what you ask for? Here are 3 things to consider:
1. Every transformation comes with a cost and a price. The cost could be leaving something behind, changing our life in a significant way, or disappointing the people in our lives. The price we have to pay is our willingness to allow that to happen. Sometimes the price is too high, too scary, or we just aren’t ready. That’s when we settle. And that’s OK.
2. The fear of abandonment and rejection is very real and that is why we settle. While we may want to make a change, our fear of how others respond to our transformation compels us to make an acceptable compromise that keeps us in their good graces. We justify settling by telling ourselves that we need those relationships – and if we are willing to settle, that is true.
3. If we aren’t ready to align with and integrate a new potential that takes us way out of our comfort zone, we’ll settle for something less. We may blame it on something else, like being there for someone, or needing to finish something, or finding fault with what we want to manifest. The truth is that while we may want a change, we just aren’t ready for it at that time.
Settling isn’t something we should shame ourselves over, it is our way of reconciling what we want with what we are willing and ready to achieve. And while we may have big dreams, the reality space that we have to fit them into and the energy container we currently possess just isn’t ready for it.
We can try again later when we can expand our view of our potential, align with the beliefs we need to integrate that potential, and then allow it to happen. In the meantime, settling is how we allow just enough of our dreams to keep us moving forward.
And that’s OK because in the famous words of Scarlett O’Hara, tomorrow is another day.
Copyright (c) 2020 by Jennifer Hoffman. All rights reserved.
SF Source Enlightening Life Oct 2020