This is one of those phrases which our mothers taught us before we went to school and learned it in our ‘Rapid English Reader’ book. Say sorry when you make a mistake. Say sorry even when you have not made a mistake because in some way it was your fault that the other person was hurt.
It seeped into the subconscious so deeply that often I found myself saying sorry to tables and chairs and doors if I dashed against it while walking carelessly. “Ouch! Sorry.”
I would rub my knee or the elbow and say sorry to the table for dashing into it!
But the private nursing of the wounds would always accompany a silent curse or two thrown at the cruel table or the door.
After all, the bruises remain long after the hurt has subsided.
My English teacher would say sorry every time the chalk would make a screeching sound on the blackboard while she wrote on it. I remember how revolting that sound always felt. We would all cringe overtly, as if someone is scraping the insides of our brain. But somehow her saying sorry always minimized the effect. She would often turn her head and throw a smile at the class, as recompense; although it wasn’t her fault that the chalk was not feeling compatible with the blackboard!
Is Sorry necessary? I know it is an important word. But is it necessary, especially in close relationships? And if it is essential to say ‘sorry’ then aren’t we taking umbrage in the fact that no matter what we do or say, a mere sorry can put things right?
Sometimes we might be inclined to misuse the word.
According to P.G Wodehouse: “Never say sorry. The right kinds of people don’t expect it. The wrong kinds take mean advantage of it.”
Take for example ‘Love Story’, the best-selling short novel by Eric Segal. This poignant little story had a phrase “Love means not ever having to say you are sorry”. Later when the film came in 1970, it had a tagline on all its posters with a slight variation. “Love means never having to say you are sorry.”
Ali MacGraw and Ryan O’Neal were the lead pair in this sentimental drama and those were the days when every red-blooded lover was chanting it as a magical mantra to their lover. I remember watching a re-run sometime during my college days and was using it with my roommates, friends, often in jest or as a light banter. Sometimes I would use it with a secret and wistful sigh, dreaming of a love like that.
To sum it up, this phrase still has its power, although with different connotations.
Personally speaking, I see the above-mentioned phrase as an ‘extreme’ trust in an ‘exclusively ideal’ relationship, where two people are ‘absolutely’ sure of their faith in each other. So much so that nothing could shake up that faith. Their comfort level is abounding and their relationship is unshakably honest. They know where they stand with each other and believe that nothing they ever did would be unforgiving in the relationship.
‘Never having to say sorry’ is also the power of faith in each other’s capacity to forgive and forget or rather overlooking the discrepancies and incongruities.
But all said and done is it possible to have a relationship like that? Aren’t we all secretly defensive about our egos? One little jolt and we are ready to fall apart.
On the other hand, wasn’t ‘Love Story’ a fiction?
Do you believe in Fairy Tales?
Most sceptics would say that all love stories are fiction, and real life is different from stories. But I am not a sceptic and I always have believed in fairy tales, as I feel that they profoundly touch upon the deepest morals and lessons of life.
On the other-hand despite being critical of this word, I am not wary of saying sorry, especially when I feel that there is a need. What I am apprehensive of is when someone expects or demands it from me. That is the moment when this word loses its dignity and meaning too. For me sorry is looking in the person’s eyes and meaning it from the depths of my heart when I utter it to them. Sorry is when I decide with enough honesty, candor and a real commitment to fix the problem and take a personal responsibility for doing so, rather than ‘having’ to do so.
“Sorry is a dirty word”, Says another popular phrase. Perhaps it was invented by someone who had grown wary of having been ‘taken mean advantage of’ and would rather have nothing to do with it.
However, there are times when this word means absolutely nothing, even if it is said with all convictions. For example, ‘Medical Malpractice’, where a doctor operates on the wrong side of the body by mistake and says ‘sorry’ to the patient. Or financial mistakes that as adults we are continually repeating.
Isn’t it time we took responsibility and stopped what Einstein defined as insanity?
How I avoid being financially sorry
Don’t buy or lease a luxury car. Investing £600 or £700 a month in a Mercedes, BMW or Land Rover is totally worth the admiring – even jealous – looks from your friends and family. You might not be rich, but all of the dudes and chicks at the drive thru will think you are.
Don’t pay for everything with credit cards. It’ so easy to whip out the plastic or wave your smart phone in front of a terminal. You might lose track of how much you’re spending but when you want something, when you need something, you’re never out of cash, and never leave a store disappointed. Using these little squares of death regularly will see your finances catapulted to perilously dangerous levels and their sneaky cousins – online loan and cash loans like these undoubtedly will be following closely behind.
Don’t chase fashion trends You can’t expect to land the best dates, or invites to the hippest parties, if it doesn’t look like People Style Watch threw up on you. Yeah, today’s trends are so short-lived that they’re on way out before the credit card bill arrives. But you’ve got to wear something, even if the major purveyors of “fast fashion” are bad for the planet. (That John Oliver is such a know-it-all.)
Stop eating (and drinking) out every night. Cooking at home is so boring or dirty or (insert excuse here.) No wonder the Commerce Department says Americans are spending more at restaurants than the grocery store. Let’s get behind this trend.
(Serious aside…I know lots of folks don’t eat at home because they don’t know how to fix anything except peanut butter and jelly. So why not take a cooking class? I took one called “knife skills” that showed me how to do everything with a big, bad ass chef knife. The class was pricey up front, but invaluable down the line since it’s lead me to save so much — in calories and cash — by showing me how to make wonderful meals at home.)
Don’t go nuts with electronics and entertainment. Are you still watching that 2-year-old 60-inch HDTV? You’ve got to ditch it for an ultra or 4K HDTV. The new iPhone is out, so get one even though your contract isn’t up yet and toss in an Apple Watch too. Is the new season of True Detective disappointing? How would you know if you don’t have HBO?
Don’t default on your student loans. Don’t subject yourself to the hassle of working a government or non-profit job to have your debt forgiven, or even signing up for an income-based repayment plan. Make a statement about the crushing burden of student debt by refusing to repay the one type of loan that’s almost impossible to discharge in bankruptcy court. That won’t have any ramifications, right?
Avoid playing the lottery…then hit the casino. Because it’s the next scratch off ticket or the next bet that’s going to be the big one, and unlock the wealth that you feel you deserve from Lady Luck. Americans lost $119 billion gambling in 2013 but you’re clever enough to beat the odds and make those losers look like fools.
Don’t throw the most extravagant wedding possible… The average wedding now costs exceeds $44,000, according to Brides.com, and you don’t want your Big Day to be average. You want it to be something your friends and family talk about for years to come, and memories like that don’t come cheap.
And don’t skimp on the engagement ring. If you really love your bride, the jewelery industry says you should spend three months’ worth of pay. You’ve got to make sure she can say “It’s nicer than Betty Munroe has!”
Shift Frequency © 2019 – Stop being sorry and take responsibility