Eric Raines – I start off not understanding why, but I feel the need to write. I have a few revelations/understandings to convey. I had to dive into a buildup of clutter recently that I had been purposely trying to avoid cleaning out just because of the buildup of procrastination and lazy energy I had been unconsciously flagging that particular activity with.
Doing the work I do, I go into a bit more behind the motivations and causes of impulses and emotions than most. Clearing out this clutter was one of the most rewarding/enlightening experiences I have had to date. I used to work construction, and while in the beginning there is much to learn, once you get a good handle on what you are doing, it becomes routine, just like any other job you are not truly passionate about. This job became incredibly valuable training in learning how to handle complex trains of thought while working my physical body quite strenuously, and balancing the work with what I have come to realize is a moving meditation.
Whenever I start doing physical work, no matter how mundane, I slip quite easily into this deep level of thinking, and the same happened when the cleaning began.
The reluctance to begin….the aversion to the work…..I was realizing how symbolic it was for everything else I had ever been reluctant to do that needed doing. As each layer was uncovered in the garage, the actual energy of the place was changing palpably. By diving into this reluctance, it was showing a new level to such a mundane, boring task. Closing my eyes, I could feel the stagnancy of the energy before I began, and now it was so closely related to the resonance of stagnancy inside of me whenever I lose my motivation and end up finding anything other than play as a waste of time.