You’ve signed the papers and officially marked the end of a relationship you hoped to savor for the rest of your life. Whether you were married for months or decades, have children or do not, divorce is a roller-coaster of emotions for even the most level-headed individuals.
Irrespective of how and why things got to where they are today, one decision you have to make is where your life goes from here. You must reinvent and rediscover yourself if you want to pick up the pieces and move on.
Mourn Freely
Hardly anyone gets married with the intention of separating from their partner someday. Certain circumstances will drive you to the point where divorce is the most desirable outcome for everyone. Even then, divorce represents a loss.
With such loss come feelings of grief, failure, regret, confusion, rejection and anger. Don’t bottle up these emotions. Let it all out when you are alone. For weeks, you may experience the urge to cry yourself to sleep. Don’t hold back. The more freely you mourn, the faster you can shake off the weight of grief.
Work Through the Feelings
Mourning is vital but is just the first step of a journey to getting your bearings. You have to deliberately work through your emotions to avoid carrying over the baggage from your divorce into your future including new relationships.
Understandably, the feelings can be overwhelming. That’s why you may need the support of a third party, preferably a therapist who’ll help you talk out what you feel. You should also immerse yourself in activities you enjoy. Revive that hobby, get involved in a sport and exploit opportunities to travel.
Savor Singlehood
Being single again doesn’t mean shutting out the world and isolating yourself. If anything it’s an opportunity to do things with more freedom than you would have if you were in a committed relationship. Of course freedom is not synonymous with a life of reckless abandon.
Be comfortable in your new status and don’t be in a rush to get into a new relationship. Reorganize your finances including health insurance after divorce to align with your role as a single person or single parent.
The good thing is singlehood isn’t as frowned upon as it was two decades ago. Except in more rural locations, nobody will be giving you questioning glances if you are seated in a restaurant alone. Join groups that share your interests, make new friends and exploit opportunities for social connection.
Fall in Love with Yourself
A divorce can leave you feeling rejected, unworthy, unattractive and a failure. You’ll grapple with many questions as you think about how you may have contributed to the end of the relationship. Don’t go down that route because it leads to nothing but more self-pity and a vicious cycle of heartache.
Divorce doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. If it’s any consolation, half of all marriages in the US will end in divorce or permanent separation. It’s unlikely that all these people have a character flaw that predisposes them to relationship failure.
You could be two sincere, well-meaning and good people who choose to part simply because you do not see things the same way anymore. Start to appreciate yourself, your strengths, your personality in order to regain your confidence and self-worth.
Rediscover Yourself
One of the inevitable results of entering a marriage commitment and living with someone else is you both have to make some sacrifices. These sacrifices are further compounded if you have kids. Certain things you loved to do became out of bounds because they didn’t fit in with your partner.
Perhaps you loved the Friday nightlife but your partner prefers spending the weekend indoors. Maybe you never missed going to a game but your spouse has a deep disdain for sport events. With the ‘chains’ of marriage now gone, it’s time to go back to the things you used to do that made you happy.
Experiment with New Things
Going back to the things you used to love is one thing. But how about trying new stuff? Divorce can vigorously shake your self-confidence. Doing something you’ve never done before can be a powerful way to persuade yourself that the divorce was just a speed bump in your life journey.
New stuff doesn’t necessarily mean something that breaks the bank. It could be as simple as a new haircut or hairstyle. These changes, as long as they are affordable, constructive, appropriate and healthy, can give you a new energy for life.
Divorce marks the end of a chapter in your life. Following these tips can help you make it the start of a new and bright phase.
Shift Frequency © 2018 – Reinventing and Rediscovering Yourself After a Divorce